Saturday, July 5, 2008

when ya gotta go, ya gotta go

Reader beware: the following story is about poop and having to go real bad...

Good 'ol Denny's. Nothin like some runny eggs, cheese hashbrowns, greasy bacon strips sopped up with a biscuit and some sausage gravy. ummm ummm good.

We've all been there but we don't talk about the occassional aftermath of such a feast. First comes the sweating, then the pucker, then the "oh * " I gotta go! Then you just pray as you are hobbling to the bathroom that the clean pair of underware you put on this morning is still clean.

This story was told to me by Tom. (Tom is a director I work with who used to work in the city at a funeral home while serving his apprenticeship)

Poor Jim. A super nice retired guy, in his early 70's decides...hey, I'll help some people out, get a part time job at a funeral home! Little did he know that some funeral directors can be arrogant SOB's.

Most of his co-workers know that every morning Jim wakes up at the crack of dawn and heads to good 'ol Denny's. One particular morning he arrived at work to find he was scheduled to drive a limo for a service they were having. That day they had to leave quite early and they arrived at the family's house just on time. Jim got out of the limo and ran over to Dick, the funeral director who was driving the other limo. The conversation went like this...

Jim "Dick, I have to go to the bathroom really bad."
Dick "Jim, you are going to have to hold it...we will be late for the church"
Jim "You don't understand, I really have to go...I'll just ask them if I can use their bathroom."
Dick "You CAN'T Do that!! Just hold it. "
Jim"Dick, look, I have some good friends that actually live just down the street..I know they will let me use their bathroom! "
Dick "No. We have to go."

So the family came outside and the two funeral professionals smiled and kindly opened the doors. On to the church they went.

This story is like a terrible movie where you can imagine the ending but hope it isn't true.

As the limos pulled up to the church Jim got out with as much pride as he could muster...and waddled into the church.

Poor Jim. (There are depths of humiliation that most people can't even fathom.) He had pooped his pants in the limousine while driving the family to the church.

*the above names have been changed to conceal the original identity of those involved.


photography4me said...

Oooohhh nooooo!!!! I know exactly how he feels. That same thing happened to me after eating at Famous Daves. It was those darn drunkin' apples that I will never eat again. I made it home 30min later. But boy was I in some serious potty pain. I could barely get out of the car but I made it. No accidents this time around. Thank GOD!!

Lu Lu's Fluffy Ruffles said...

ooohhh poor man!!

vivian said...

hello ! finally getting back here. I think I've read all your entrys now. YOur stories are great and I'm so glad you tell them! poor jim! and the gold fish funeral cracked me up! and your daughter is right... you are a super hero! You have a very special job that most people could not do! When I die I want then to play all 70's music.. a few hymns too.. and carole kings tapestry album... but I dont want to die for a very very long time!
love your blog!

Annie said...

thank you all~you are so sweet Viv!! High five to the 70's music.